Friday, September 10, 2010

Mommy Guilt

(Day 10 of NaBloPoMo)

I have got a bad case of Mommy Guilt. I wish I didn't. I wish I could just stay at home and be a mom. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty.

Lately, everything has been consuming my time.

Work has been CRAZY busy since the school year just started. When I say crazy, I mean

C

R

A

Z

Y
!

I have been working non-stop almost 7 days per week since school started. Of course, I have been taking care of the kids' basic needs, keeping up with the house as much as I can, and sleeping occasionally, but work is consuming me lately. And I have decided that it is time to STOP.

No, this does not mean I am leaving my job, I wish I could afford to. I do love my job, but I miss my kids.

I miss spending time with my kids.

I am always on the computer working. Or on the computer keeping up with my Awesome Diabetes friends on FB and Blogs.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the friends I have and truthfully, they are the some of the only friends I have since I work from home. So, don't worry friends, I am not leaving you.

But, I am not being the mommy I want to be. I am torn between all of the things I have to get accomplished and spending time with the kids.

My whole life all I ever wanted was to be a mommy, now I have the Mommy Blues.

So, I think it is time I put parenting FIRST and everything else second. I will be re-structuring my work schedule to hopefully get most of my work done while the kids are at school/daycare or when they are sleeping. Even if it means working a little late at night.

I don't want to miss everything that is happening in their little lives. I feel like I am missing so much already.

Sorry for the rambling.

It has been a ROUGH week.

The kids have been SICK and I have still been working. I have not been a nice mommy demanding them to be QUIET when I needed to teach. Then I feel SO guilty for being a mean mommy and putting work first.

So, no more, it cannot happen any longer. My kids have to be #1. Period.

9 comments:

Wendy said...

Beautiful, my friend....beautiful plan....

XXXXhugsXXXXX

Reyna said...

Are we living "parallel lives"? Me too, me too, me too. Luckily my sub-stretch is over Monday. This blogging daily has got to be wearing on you too. Hang in there. I had a melt down the other night...while PMSing on top of everything else. It wasn't pretty. (((HGUS)))

Kathy said...

Tracy, I'm sorry you have had a rough week. :(
I still remember those feelings from my working days. The absolute worse was when I had to call in to work because Amy was sick and I was told emphatically, "We hired YOU not your baby!" I've never forgotten that phone call.
I think whoever said they could do it all, never had to really do it all!!
<3<3

Cindy said...

"The grass is always greener..." I know I can only speak for myself, but as a stay home mom...I hate to break it to you, but I suffer from mommy guilt horribly as well! Parenting is hard work and we all have moments when we feel like we're not doing the best job we can or not being the mommy we want to be. Don't beat yourself up! I bet if you ask your kids, they'll tell you that you're the best mom ever!

Kelly said...

Im the queen of mommy guilt to Tracy! Ive always worked just PT and I STILL have guilt about THAT. Time does go to fast, its easy to miss so much of all the precious every day little things that makes our mommy job so rewarding! ((hugs))

Laura said...

Hey Sweetie - you've has a rough couple of weeks! back to back to back illnesses and working like crazy. You are doing an amazing job.

Hugs my friend!! Hugs!!

Donna ((Sweet Momma)) said...

Oh Dear Tracy.... You know I SO understand what you are saying! I hope you can find a peaceful and healthy balance, my friend! Lord knows, I am still working on finding mine! (((HUGS)))

Heidi / D-Tales said...

You are a good mama!!!

I don't know if this is a consolation, but I think a lot of us go through these phases where we find ourselves needing to reprioritize in order to regain our balance.

connie said...

Mommy guilt...been there, done that! It's one of the reasons I took an unexpected and unplanned break from blogging. I felt like I just couldn't do it all and I knew that Miss E would be heading off to kindergarten soon...kinda felt like I was in mourning a little and I needed as much time with my kiddos as they would allow me :)

Big hugs my friend...follow your heart :) Those kids grow up too fast!

Related Posts with Thumbnails