You know, one of those "Why me?" Why my kid?" "This isn't fair!" kind of days.
Why does MY kid have to have Diabetes?
It is NOT fair that I have to wake my 3-year-old up from his nap to have cake gel!
It is NOT fair that MY 3-year-old has to be a pin cushion 24/7 for the REST OF HIS LIFE!
If is NOT fair that MY kid has to feel like CRAP when he is low/ high/ dropping fast/ rising fast.
It is NOT fair that WE have to think about being a pancreas 24/7! Diabetes NEVER sleeps.
It sucks that no one REALLY gets this all, unless they are going through it themselves!
Yesterday was exactly 1 year and 7 months since The Superhero was diagnosed with T1 Diabetes. He is 3 years old. He has now had diabetes for more than 1/2 his life. Most of his life. This did not even hit me until late in our crappy day.
We have been having crazy numbers lately. It all began with a tummy bug (again!) on Saturday night. We seemed to get past it with only one vomiting spell and then we drugged him up with anti-nausea meds for a couple of days. He seemed to get back to "normal" except that his insulin needs decreased, DRAMATICALLY.
We were doing -50% - -70% of his basal needs for DAYS and he has barely been hovering at 100 during the day and 150 at night.
Yesterday brought MANY lows.
He was being really whiny and crying A LOT in the morning. I finally checked him (via his Dexie) and he was 78, and dropping! I got him to drink some juice. He spilled some juice on his shirt and FREAKED out. We changed his shirt. Then he kept FREAKING out that he DID NOT want that shirt! And "Mommy, you need to take it off!" I finally just had to grab him and hold him tight until he calmed down. I have not seen him like that in a LONG time.
He hovered around 78 all morning, did not want to eat, basals were already decreased by 70%. He then refused to eat lunch. Went down for a nap and ended up going as low as 57 at one point. I woke him up to give him cake gel and he went back to sleep. He slowly came back up to around 100 an hour or so later.
He slept for about 3 hours. I had to wake him up or he might have never gone to bed last night. I got him to have some marshmallows for a snack (healthy, I know). This got his BG up to a more comfortable 180.
I had a marketing event for work and he was going to my mom's house for the evening. I did not want her to battle lows like I did, hence the marshmallow snack.
Off I go to my marketing session, about 30 minutes away (in traffic). I call as I am getting close to the location to check on the kids and see how they are doing. They were doing great, then we started to end the call and my mom had to go QUICK because The Superhero was throwing up!
So, I did my meeting quickly, got my Starbucks to go and went back to my mom's house.
The whole way there I was thinking about how much I HATE this disease. I was thinking about Meri's post about being Strong, but human and her post about Feeling Edgy and I just broke down and started crying.
Yes, I am strong. Yes, I handle Diabetes because I have to. I know The Superhero was given to me for a reason. BUT I am still human and this is A LOT to handle sometimes.
I live life on the edge EVERYDAY. I guess I got pushed off the cliff when he threw up again. I just don't know how much more I can take. I seriously feel like I am on an edge about to be blown off, EACH AND EVERY DAY.
I know my friends and family try to understand, but until you live this life, you never can truly "get it". I appreciate the effort all of them put in trying to understand and to show compassion.
Anyway, I was on the way to my mom's house when all of this hit me and I just could not stop crying and asking the Why me? Why The Superhero? questions. (listed above)
Then I get to my mom's house and The Superhero was happy as can be and running around like crazy. He kept wanting to eat and he snacked a little. He seemed to feel better.
Then we headed home. Since this was a Wednesday night, Rod was in school so I was on my own. I put The Princess to bed as soon as we got home and then was hanging out with The Superhero. He kept complaining that his hand hurt. I pushed all over it and he did not complain. So, I figured no broken bones, he must be fine. Maybe a pinched nerve or it fell asleep or something.
Then it was time for him to go to bed. We went in his room (around 9pm, very late for him) and he just would not settle down. He kept complaining that his hand was hurting. I held him and rocked him. I asked what would make it feel better. He kept wanting me to rub/massage it. I did so. He kept fussing and would not sit still. My mom came over to try to hold him too, so I could get a break. He DID NOT want NaNa last night.
She and I just kept watching him. He was SO uncomfortable and just kept saying his hand was hurting. Then it finally hit us! His Dexie site was on his right arm, the one with the hurt hand.
The ONLY thing we could think was that it must have gotten bumped and was hitting a nerve, causing the hand to feel weird (or pain in his mind). So we changed his dexie site and he went to lay on the couch and was OUT!
It was 10pm and he just CRASHED. I have NEVER seen him fall asleep SO fast!
Here are pictures of him sleeping on the couch last night. I guess the dexie site did the trick!
I am feeling a little better this morning. I still hate diabetes, as anyone would. But I am moving on. I had not had "one of those" days in SO long and I am sure it will be a while before another one hits me.