Saturday, April 9, 2011

HAWMC Day 9 - I still cry

 Today's Topic: Health Activist Choice. Today’s blog post can be about anything you like. Free write! Whether you want to take inspiration from one of your community members or HAWMCers or just recap your April so far – anything and everything is fair game today. Length, topic, style – all up to you!

Last week Laura posted about why she still cries. And today I was recording a video about The Superhero's diagnosis and started thinking about this myself.

I still cry.

It has been almost 3 years (7/10/08:D day) and I still cry.

Every time I think about that aweful week leading up to his diagnosis, I cry.

Every time I think about my baby being poked SO many times to get his THREE IV's in while in the PICU, I cry.

Every time I think about his tiny fingers being poked every hour in the PICU, I cry.

Every time I think about him laying there in his hospital crib, I cry.

Every time I think about the first shot I had to give my 18 month old, I cry.

Every time I think about the first low we dealt with, I cry.

Every time I think about waking up my sleeping toddler to give him a juice, I cry.

Every time I think about chasing after my toddler to give him a shot, I cry.

Every time I think about changing pump sites as my son cries "No, mommy, no!", I cry.

Every time I think about changing CGM sites as The Superhero cries "NO! That hurts!", I cry.

I HATE having to hurt my son on a daily basis. So I cry.

Don't get me wrong, I am not sitting around crying all the time. Sometimes these cries are more silent than others. But, Diabetes HURTS and I think it is OK to cry over something that has taken over our lives and changed it from the course we were heading down.

The thing that gets me through the tears is seeing his smiling face. He is still a happy little boy, despite all the pain and pokes.




*Disclaimer: I am a mom of a T1 Diabetic child. I am NOT a doctor. I just play one in real life. Please do not take anything in this post or any other post on this blog as medical advice. If you have questions or concerns of your own, please seek advice from your doctor.*

8 comments:

Reyna said...

Me too..."same-same". Great post and great, happy pic of the Superhero!!! xoxo

Lora said...

Me too Tracy, me too.

Hallie said...

Tracy- I could have written this myself! SAME. This was beautiful!

Alexis Nicole said...

Agreed across the board. People dont realize how different our lives are, sometimes that alone needs a cry. Great post mama!

k2 said...

Crying is OK - And seeing your little boy with a smile on his face is fantastical!

Laura @ Houston We Have A Problem! said...

Now I'm crying again. We are so the SAME!

Jules said...

yup. totally agreed. their smiling faces and kiddy giggles. all worth it. i still cry... alot.

busymom said...

I understand, I cry too. Bless your superhero's heart-he's still so little.

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