A view of our Christmas, from the outside...

Reyna, Hallie, and I seem to be thinking the same this Christmas...

As I was going about our morning routine on Christmas I thought that for anyone on the outside, it must look really strange in our house. And how for us it all seemed so normal.

Normal to be poking fingers. 


Normal to be counting carbs.


Normal to eat before opening all the presents.


Normal to be watching the trend on the Dexcom.


Normal to realize the pump site is on day 4 and should have been changed yesterday.


Normal to realize it when you see a number in the 300's pop up on the meter. 


Normal to wonder "Could the pump site be why he is high?"


Normal to think about having to poke a needle into my 4 year old to hook up a new pump site.


Normal to actual have said 4 year old on the counter screaming that he does NOT want a site change.


Normal to know his mood is now affected by his BG in the 300's and not necessarily because you are about to poke him with a needle in the tushie.


Normal to hope and PRAY you gave him the right amount of insulin to bring that BG down without crashing him.


Normal to come home from Christmas festivities so exhausted you end up crying about how much all this NORMAL sucks. 


Normal to have a little pity party quietly while your Diabetic 4 year old fights going to sleep in the next room.


Normal to wonder what we look like to people on the outside.


I had a REALLY hard time Christmas night with all this NORMAL happening in our house. I am over it now. It is what it is.


Then I ready Wendy's post this morning about CHOOSING JOY and have moved past my pity party once again and am trying hard to choose JOY over sorrow.

I am JOYFUL that I have my 4 year old here and ALIVE with me.


I am JOYFUL that I have the medical tools necessary to keep him alive and healthy.


I am JOYFUL to have SO many other D Mamas living and thinking the same things as me.


I am JOYFUL to have Diabetes to make me appreciate life so much more.


I am sure I will have another pity party in the future because Diabetes will always suck, but I am happy to know I can see the JOY in the end. And it is not the view from outside that matters most, it is what is happening on the inside that counts.

And what was happening on the inside, was definitely JOYFUL.


*Disclaimer: I am a mom of a T1 Diabetic child. I am NOT a doctor. I just play one in real life. Please do not take anything in this post or any other post on this blog as medical advice. If you have questions or concerns of your own, please seek advice from your doctor.*

If I had a "normal" child...

(Day 5 of NaBloPoMo)


I would not have to worry about dropping him off at school.

I would not have to worry about how EVERYTHING he eats is going to affect him.

I would not have to worry every time The Superhero goes swimming.

I would not have to worry if my baby will come home from school ALIVE.

I would not have to worry about him waking up every morning.

I would not have to worry about him running, jumping, playing, skipping, etc.

I would not have to worry every time he is crying, throwing a fit, or acting out.

I would not have to worry if he falls asleep in the car unexpectedly.

I would not have to worry if he says his tummy hurts.

I would not have to worry if he doesn't want to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, or his snack.

I would not have to worry about leaving him with friends/family for a few hours or overnight.

I would not have to worry about anything other than what "normal" moms worry about.

BUT

I would not have met SO many WONDERFUL moms/dads. I would miss out on some of the BEST friendships I have EVER known in my life.

I would not have the INSTANT family. There are MANY D Moms I have NEVER met in real life, but we have such a strong connection and an instant bond to each other. It is really amazing.

One email/FB message, one Christmas card in the mail, or a phone call from a D Mom (thanks for the chat JoAnne!) can make you feel so connected. They all feel like friends I have known my entire life, yet it has only been a short time.


And the fact is, we do not live a "normal" life. I cannot go through one day, one hour, one minute without some sort of worry about what Diabetes is doing to my little man. The highs, the lows, the in between.


And while life in Italy would be awesome, I am really trying my hardest to enjoy my time in Holland.


(Disclaimer: This does NOT mean I REALLY want to come live in Italy, it is a metaphor people!)